I’m making room in this blog for someone else. No, I’m not talking about Bon Jovi. I’m talking about God. Call IT what you will: the Universe, Om, The One, Infinite Goodness. IT's all God to me.
After letting go of my son yesterday, I felt the earth give way. It literally opened up, and we fell through the space it made for us. We landed safely on our feet on what feels like some kind of a playing field. I’m just a little nervous because I am a Do-er, and I feel the impulse to do something, but I have no idea what game I am in. There is no opposing team, no equipment, no bases, or white lines to indicate the parameters of our game, and no scoreboard to let us know if we should celebrate victory or bemoan defeat.
It's just my son and I standing in the middle of a never-ending sea of beautiful blue-green grass. (However, I do think God is in the vicinity because it smells freshly mowed.)
Yes, God, I get all Your clever metaphors. We are in a new, freshly cleared space where anything can happen. I get it (and no disrespect intended; I know You’re uber-busy with the world and everything), but were You even listening yesterday when I said I was emotionally and physically spent?
No burning bush, no loaves and fishes, no audible response; only a potent and palpable silence from Mr./Ms./The Omniscient One.
The reality is that it is my son and I, infinite us in infinite space, and for all the emptiness, this Field feels potent, powerful, and full of possibility. I don’t mind telling you how completely uncomfortable, overwhelmed, clinically wack-a-doodle (AND relieved, liberated and strangely at home) I feel. At the same time, I wouldn’t be at all opposed to being pointed in the “right” direction, but I have a feeling God isn’t going to do that.
Like Helen Keller and that miraculous rush of water from her hand pumped well, I am suddenly able to put meaning to all that has come before this moment. My son and I are standing on the lessons, and the tears, and the laughter, and the love, and the prayers that have come before. We are standing on IT. We are standing on the Greater Field of Life. We are standing on God. There are no earthly rules in this space, but there is terra firma if we have enough faith to trust it.
From here, for my son and I, it isn’t important in which direction we go. What is important is the willingness to openly deal with what we discover along the way. We may even separate for a time. I can accept that now because I know my son is being supported by a Force and Field much greater than I.
He may not be willing to live on a prayer yet. He's young and might need more proof, but I don't. I have all the proof I need.
I’m livin’ on a prayer for both of us.
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