The Homecoming

I don’t sit at the Singer anymore and sew nice straight seams that meet perfectly at the crotch. I have stopped worrying about the kind of setting I need to use to make sure all the stitches stay tight and uniformly aligned. I have taken my foot off the accelerator pedal, removed the bobbin from its home, and re-attached the machine’s removable protective plastic cover. I slowly and methodically cleared the workspace taken up by that machine, stored away all the fancy needles and accoutrements, and gently placed the sewing machine with all its high-tech, high-speed, fancy-dancy accessories out of my everyday awareness.

I may have even posted it for sale on Craig’s List. I’m not sure.

I’m not sure if I posted it or not because, until last night, I was not consciously aware that I even used a Singer, much less that I had packed one up and put it away.

Last night, I connected with a somatic opening that has been making itself known to me slowly and incrementally since I began those quiet, empowering, meditative moments last July.

Crazy as it sounds, what I realized is this: My thoughts no longer automatically generate from my brain. The logical, cognitive, goal oriented thinking that dominated my life (without any input from my feelings and emotions, intuition and inner knowing) has been systematically deconstructed. The linear, single minded, go from point A to point B thinking is still there, yes, but my life no longer follows its patterns.

I work on a loom now. My body is fully engaged in the process. My feet pump the pedals. My hands caress the rich feel of the multiple yarns of my life threading through my fingers. My eyes witness the organic reveal of the weave: the beauty of colors that have never existed before as they merge with patterns and textures that my brain would never have thought to juxtapose. My ears detect a vibrantly delicious hum as it exits my lips and resonates on every frequency of the Universe simultaneously.

I am no longer concerned with checking tasks off my to-do list. I sit at my loom and co-create my life. I have relinquished creating a life dictated by a pattern (even if McCall’s size chart tells me it will fit). I prefer to open myself to my tapestry as it reveals a life lived in unprecedented, breath-takingly expansive and miraculous ways.

It is taking some getting used to, this way of being. It’s a whole new, whole body infused existence.

And, I’ve got to tell you. It feels like I came home.