The Last Trimester

I am coming up to the end of the nine month transformational program I have been involved in since July. Katherine and Claire (my teachers) very cleverly set up the New Feminine Power Mastery program to culminate in April. I have to admit they were very clear about the gestational parallel with pregnancy, and since I have had a baby…..

… I knew what to expect going in.

I was smitten from the get-go. It was love at first sight. I went into Mastery completely in love with the idea of birthing a new, unrecognizable Self. I opened myself with abandon and invited the world to mix fluids with me. Even in the most intimate moments, my eyes remained wide open to take it all in. My metaphorical legs were poised in unprotected surrender. This was not whoops!, a mistake, an unexpected meeting of my egg and the seminal fluid of the universe. This was Planned Parenthood at its best.

The past seven months, I have reveled in the organic changes, the miracle of life that has taken place in me. I have sat in awe and amazement that I was beginning to show. My burgeoning growth was becoming evident to colleagues, friends, the women in my Mastery. Frankly, it has been kind of nice being noticed for my “glow.” I smile and strangers smile back (in a good way!); people give up their seats on the subway and offer to hold the door open for me.

Like most women pregnant with life, I have been single mindedly focused on nurturing this embryo to its fullest growth and development. Oh yeah, I have had my bouts with morning sickness, gaining a new kind of weight, and outgrowing the old ways of being that have become too small for my ever-expanding Self. So I expelled what my body refused to absorb and bought stretch pants and big blousy tops because I got so much attention in return. Totally worth it.

However, all along, a small voice has been whispering to me….

… “You knew what to expect going in.”

A few days ago, like any woman in her last trimester, I was jolted into reality as if I had watched my first LaMaze video.

I actually have to give birth.