Is It Just Me???

Or do song lyrics go through your head when you are experiencing something emotionally traumatic and devastating? Right now the Bee Gees are serenading me with “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?’ Remember that one??? From 1970 something? Good song.

It’s in my head because I received some news this morning that someone I love very much has been lying to me (again)…not little white lies…BIG ones (again). I am heartbroken (again).

It’s funny (weird not ha ha), but I was going to post today about something else really great that happened this morning and in a strange convoluted kind of way, I am.

I wanted to post that I had had a very interesting and deep meditation that brought me a couple of amazing (okay, and scary) awarenesses: I am not birthing anything; I am the one being birthed. All of that happy swimming about I mentioned two days ago was in the protection provided by my own amniotic fluid.

So, in meditation this morning, Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (you know, the one in my closet) appeared at the end of the couch. I was afraid. I kept thinking: I’m not supposed to put that on. Am I? I'm not ready; it’s too big for me; I am so NOT that woman. I sat and sat and sat some more where I was next to the window. All of a sudden the sun came pouring through the window onto me, and a Voice said, "You have come as far as you can go. It is time to put on the Coat." And the Dreamcoat gently wrapped itself around my body. It felt so warm and inviting and cocoon-y that I just let myself be embraced by it. It wasn’t too heavy or too big. Yes, of course, there is room to grow into it, but I am certainly not “swimming in it” (as my mother used to say when clothes were too big for me). I felt like Goldilocks in a red wig. WOW. This Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat of mine is just the right temperature. And, now it's MEB's Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Thanks, Joseph!

I realized YES. It is time to surface, emerge from my protective womb and interact with the world in my Dreamcoated Self. It is time to own and be that diversely patterned, vibrantly colored, multi-textured and uniquely constructed woman. So, in the spirit of all that, I asked for persons and events to enter my life to help me own, learn from and celebrate this uplift of me.

Not five minutes later did I receive the email about the lies…the really BIG ones.

Hey! Universe! Thanks for listening, but couldn’t I have started with something a little easier?

Apparently not.

I was born into my Dreamcoat and given an opportunity to christen it a short five minutes later. I am ready to handle this grief in a whole new way.

And that’s how I plan to mend my broken heart.