As I write this, I am doing 63 other things in my head. That’s what women do. We multi-task, are proud of it, and feel sorry for men ‘cause they can’t.
So let me ask you this. Why am I surprised by the revelation that if I can’t focus then I am not IN my life? And how can I help my son be fully IN his life if I can’t show him how it’s done?
Maybe there is something in this male do-it-one task-at-a-time thing. Now I am not saying men got it all going on or even that the way men do it is for me. Although honesty, I’d rather be distracted by the thousand tasks that come my way every day. I make a list, number the tasks in the order to be completed (so I get them done faster and use less gas), cross them off as they are accomplished (accomplish....LOVE that word!), crumple up that list, toss it in the trash and look for what needs to be done tomorrow. Another job done! Another day successfully completed! It’s so EASY to feel good! I LOVE the fact that it’s all so stinkin’ measurable and concrete. I can feel good about myself and if you want to know why; take out that crumpled piece of paper in the trash.
Honesty, I ‘m proud that I have developed my abilities, probably like a lot of you, into a friggin’ force of nature, a freak of power, control and management. I can juggle 12 tasks at once, with BOTH hands tied behind my back.
But do any of the tasks or the people in my life get any of my SELF? Yes, but very little. I am too busy showing off my juggling skills and wondering if it is shorter and cheaper to take Foothill Blvd or the 210 freeway to get to the next item on my T0-D0 list.
I can’t give anything of substance, because I don’t take the time to get out of the checklist in my head and focus on my Being. There is no connection. I push the eject button and completely bail on myself and, therefore, everyone else. I allow my life to travel on auto-pilot; drop my packages (hoping they land at the appointed destination), and move at Mach speed to the next drop site.
For me, simply, I’m not in my life because I am afraid to be. Being in my life means taking full responsibility for the conditions of my inner and outer circumstances every moment. It means focusing not on the task, but my involvement IN the task. It means the 100% commitment to bring my heart, body, consciousness, and soul along for the ride.
Crapsticks.
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