Living in the AND

Hi! Did you miss me??

Things happened very quickly after the move out of the house.

I left for Paris.

Now it is very interesting to me that I even went. Yes, the trip had been planned for a year, and believe it or not, I had been gifted the air travel by my fresh(wo)man year college roommate. She is a big tennis fan and wanted to go to the French Open. I had been pasting pictures of Paris on my yearly vision board for the past three years. She bought a plane ticket and surprised me with one. How’s that for generosity?! How's that for the universe responding to an intention?!

I had no desire to go to the Open, so my former roommate invited a friend to accompany her, and I invited one of my Mastery sisters to play in Paris with me. Eight days, four women, one two bedroom apartment (with two baths!) on the Rive Gauche almost directly across from the Louvre…it was Heaven.

What I found interesting was that a year ago, had I not done the work in Mastery, I would have bailed on the trip. Or I would have gone begrudgingly, guiltily obsessing on the clear discrepancies in my life and the life of my son’s dad. I would (I am sure) have made certain (on some semi-conscious level) that I had a crappy time.

I went and had the time of my life.

Now, that’s not to say that I forgot about the struggles my son’s dad was having. I had several moments of sadness, resistance, and guilt…but I was able to deal with them and live in the AND.

Previous to the work, my mantra would have probably gone like this..."My family has lost its home. My son’s father has nowhere to live. My family has lost its home. My son’s father has nowhere to live. I am having my picture taken on Point Zero in front of Notre Dame while someone I care for very deeply is trying to re-build a life from point zero in California. I am having my picture taken...."

AND

Instead my mantra was "Butter. I intend to ingest all the creaminess, all the luxury, all the sweetness Paris has to offer with the grateful recognition that I am blessed to be in Paris and having the vacation of a lifetime. Butter. I intend..."

It is a new, unfamiliar place for me to try to navigate my life. From my guilt and sadness, I had moments of resistance and harshness with my traveling companions (for which I promptly apologized), AND I had moments of bliss, excitement, awe and reverence for the beauty and radiance of Paris and its inhabitants.

I cried on the way back to the airport because the world opened itself to me. AND I dove in.

WOW.