All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go

My blog post is all ready to be written. My margins are set, my favorite font has been chosen, my usual font size typed in.

And, again, I have absolutely nothing to say.

My blog post is all is all dressed up, but it doesn’t feel like it is going anywhere.

My laser focus in writing has been eluding me for a while (since Mastery ended to be exact). What was it about that work (that stirred up so much in me) that I can’t seem to generate on my own??

In answering that question, this is what comes to mind: structure, connection, and commitment to myself and others. So this prompts another question. How can principles like structure, connection, and commitment to myself and others, which sound so utterly boring out of the context of the work, have generated so much freedom, creativity and joy in me?

And where, how, and when can I get it again? I miss it.

I think I have two options: I can wait for something outside of myself to light me up, fill me with passion, float my boat as my first acting teacher used to say; or, I can do it (somehow) within myself.

I do recognize that I have lost consistency in my own practices and structures. When my son moved home from his dad’s house, the morning structures I had set up for myself went out the window. They were replaced by things like, wake up my son, wake him up again, wake him up a third time, make his breakfast, make sure we get out the door in time to get him to school…you know the drill. Then, with all the excitement of getting ready for the trip, i gave up the few strands of my daily practices that I had left. Just being in Paris, I felt like I was meditating…but I wasn’t.

So this is what I now know. I don’t know if I can create that level of juice that the Mastery program generated in me. However, I do know that in order to see if I can generate it myself, I need to re-commit to my daily practices…just to put myself back on course again and see where my North Star takes me. (And I hope to God it entails going back to Paris!)

So that’s my structure, my connection with myself, and my commitment to you and me.

Pass the juice please. I am all dressed up and ready to go.