We Are Family

“We Are Family” by Sister Sledge…remember that song? They were a bunch of Sisters ahead of their time. I have had that song in my head since yesterday, and I can’t get it out.

I can’t get it out of my head because when I look at the state of humanity in the world, my self-appointed responsibility in owning my part in the evolution of the consciousness of the planet, and how I often feel I have completely failed my son as a mother, that song is like a good foot-stomping church revival. It brings me to higher ground and here’s why.

Either I am watching too much news on television or a lot of people on the planet seriously hate each other for any number of ideological “Reasons”. What I am getting is that the world is a very scary place, and I can buy into “everyone not like me is out to get me;” as a “Reason” to be a member of a specific group, a tribe, or a family to keep me safe from harm.

(I don’t know about you, but that feels just the teeniest bit archaic to me.)

Further, if there is this feeling in the world, what can one petite-sized, Irish, former Catholic person do about it? It’s way bigger than me, out of my realm and my skill set, and definitely way out of my comfort zone. Better to just hide out, stay small and pretend I’m not just the teeniest bit scared.

Right?

And then thoughts of my son enter the picture and, God damn it, I just can’t stay in my self-imposed sequestering from the world (and just when I was getting comfortable).

I have recently discovered yet another “Reason” to feel guilty about how I/we raised my/our son (please tell me, does it ever end?).

I have two brothers back East. We didn’t speak to each other for 10 years, but as of almost two years ago, one of my brothers and I began a superficial email relationship. My older brother has refused to communicate with me. They are my nuclear family. I do have aunts, uncles, and cousins on my dad’s side (also back East), but they, too, stopped communicating with me when my brothers did. This side of the family has a history of uniting over a common “enemy” and forming transatlantic-sized cable bonds if the “enemy” is a family member. That would be me. When I left the family, I had my “Reasons,” and they circled their wagons to close the gap made by my absence.

People fight with their siblings. I know (trust me). However, when my brothers stopped communicating with me, I realize now, I made a big mistake. The mistake was this; since they didn’t want a relationship with me, I refused to let them have one with my son.

Similarly, my son’s dad has always had a very superficial and on-again off-again relationship with his father, his natural sibling, his stepsibling and his two half-siblings. (I know, makes your head spin). Now, in my experience with them, he, too, has every “Reason” in the world not to interact with them. So he broke off all contact.

But do all these “Reasons” really matter? Yes, when we made them, they felt good, powerful, self-righteous. We thought our “Reasons” for disconnecting from our families was a good thing. For us? Maybe.

For our son?? Not so much.

Because what I have recently fully recognized is that our son has no siblings and no extended group, or tribe or family with whom to saddle up. After his dad and I have left the planet, where is he going to spend Thanksgiving? Christmas? Who will bake him a cake on his birthday? Who will carry his history with him? It felt like a wrecking ball was released right into my solar plexus.

And then Sister Sledge came to rescue me from my guilt and pain, my “Reasons,” my current view of humanity, and my part in it. I was lifted to higher ground. Thanks to my Sisters, I found a part of my part in the evolution of the world (and I honestly don’t think it is only to make myself feel better).

I have decided that it is my responsibility to expand and extend my concept of family and assist my son in expanding and extending his. I, too, am stuck in the traditional family mindset, but I realize it is an antiquated notion. The only way to ease my own pain, create family structures for my son, and evolve the planet is to care about more than relationships in my little corner of the world, and to expand my consciousness further than I ever have…further than is comfortable for me by greeting, in my mind, heart, and soul, every person I meet as my sister or my brother.

I'm gonna look at them, give myself, and receive them in return. We're gonna have each other at "Hello."

If I can envision a Global Family of Origin for my son and other children like him growing up in non-traditional families, maybe by the time I am gone and onto my next journey, they will live in a world where the only things necessary to be welcomed home with open arms anywhere in the world are tolerance, peace, acceptance and hope.

That's the kind of miraculous possibility Sister Sledge was talking about.

And I hope they don't mind:

We are family
I got all my siblings with me
We are family
Get up ev'rybody and sing

(After writing this, I found an organization called We Are Family Foundation. Want to be a Global Family of Origin member??? Check it out www.wearefamilyfoundation.org)