A Whole Lotta Nothin'

I just returned from my final Mastery weekend. All sixty-ish of us met for three amazing days at a beautiful New England style clapboard hotel in Redondo Beach, right on the water. It was a weekend of oceans of tears juxtaposed with tidal waves of belly laughs…all in the context of reflecting on the principles, practices, and relationships we experienced over the last nine months. One would think I would leave that kind of a weekend feeling full to overflowing. However, I feel quite empty.

And I am grateful for it.

One of my sisters in Mastery actually gave birth to a real, live, beautiful baby boy less than a month ago(He is now woven into the fabric of our lives). A while ago, you may remember, I wrote that for me, the program was about giving birth to my Self. This weekend I nervously and excitedly (okay and impatiently) waited for that huge AHA! moment. I wanted to be able to say, “Yes! This is what I have been nurturing for nine months! Look at my beautiful baby!”

What I gave birth to was a whole lotta nothin’.

And I am grateful for it.

Instead, the clutter is gone. The heaviness is gone. The confusion is gone. I don’t feel I need to play dodge ball with life’s circumstances in order to win at all costs. I’m no longer interested in starring in my own Survivor series or in following the rules, behaviors, and limited perceptions I concocted to keep myself small. Each and every cell in my body understands how the rigidly adhered to patterns of my life kept me unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and alone.

In these nine months, I learned to embrace the existence I came here to experience and express. I have committed to my fullest flourishing in a wonder-filled attitude of gratitude as I navigate towards my North Star. My life lived creatively and playfully chock full of tears and laughter. I know I can catch, transform, and fully contribute to anything the universe decides to lob my way because I now choose to live in radical responsibility for my life and in mutuality, collaboration, and reciprocity with the rest of the world. I somatically know that, while painful or distasteful, lemons must come before lemonade, shattered eggshells before soufflés, and breakdowns before breakthroughs.

I gave birth to an empty Self full of space, expansion and willingness. I am a wide receiver on the playing field of life experiencing unprecedented levels of joy in the simple truth that not only can’t I do it alone, I now, thankfully, don’t want to.

Transformation, I have learned, is a team sport.

Birth. It’s what we do. Givers and Nourishers of life. It’s who we are. We women are here to give birth to the magical possibilities of the fullest flourishing of all living things on the planet. It is our inherited legacy. I owe it to me. I owe it to the generations of women who paved the way and made a place for me. I share it with the women here now and pass it on to those yet to be.

And I am grateful for it.

Now all I need to do is dig out my pompoms! Go Team!